Grand Finale

After the household crime spree, Sheriff Woody arrests the creepy elf.

The creepy elf has a right to an attorney. Unfortunately, even the lawyer is creeped out by the elf on a shelf.

Justice is served! The creepy elf is sentenced to one year solitary confinement in a maximum security cardboard box. The creepy elf struggles fruitlessly agains the combined might of Superman and Batman, while a heartbroken Barbie looks on, silently wondering why she always falls for bad men. The creepy elf shall be sealed inside the box, and buried amongst all the other Christmas crap in the basement, where he will await his eventual release next holiday season.

Unless the basement floods. Then his soggy little ass is getting thrown away.

Merry Christmas everybody! We hope the creepy elf has brought some joy to your holiday season.

The Hangover

After one hell of a party, and one hell of a Christmas season, the creepy elf looks a little bit worse for wear.

Party!

The creepy elf has made some friends, and is having a blow-out party.

It is nice to see that Diego is recovering from being eaten by a crocodile.

We Wuz Robbed!

The website Baby Rabies had a contest for best photo of an elf on the shelf doing inappropriate things. I submitted a picture of me kidnapping Snow White. (I thought I could get a good ransom from her supposed prince, but he had already moved on some chick named "Cindy Ella." Whatever.)

Well, after conducting a poll, the top 3 elves in voting, as well as 8 others selected by the Rabid Baby blogger were sent to the finals. Guess where I ranked in voting? Out of 110 elves, where do you think I placed?

#4. Of course.

Despite falling short, surely the blogger would recognize how bad-ass I am, and give me one of the 8 other sports. Nope.

That's it, I'm pissed. I'm totally going to tell that blogger's kids that's there is no Santa.

Love,

the creepy elf

(This post was completely written by the creepy elf, and doesn't reflect the opinions of the family with whom he resides.)

Thugs

After years at the North Pole, the creepy elf decides that he really hates Christmas carols. Unfortunately for these singers, the supervillains prove all too eager to join the Christmas caroler beat down.

Playing Doctor

After his recent bender, the creepy elf convinced Barbie to play "doctor." Oh Barbie, you fool.

Junkie

I hurt myself today,
To see if I still feel,
I focus on the pain,
The only thing that's real.

The needle tears a hole,
The old familiar sting,
Try to kill it all away,
But I remember everything.

Sorry folks.  The creepy elf is in a dark place today.

Cruising for some action

Umm... creepy elf... that is NOT a hooker.

This isn't going to end well, is it?

The Bat Family

I think the creepy elf has learned not to mess with the Bat-family.

Can I get some fava beans and a nice chianti?

Baby cannibalism? Wow Creepy Elf, this is a new low, even for you.

The Perils of Blogging

Last night, I synced my 4-year-old's iPod as we were getting ready for bath time. (Of course the 4-year-old has an iPod. Don't judge. I can't tell you how much peace that thing has brought us.)

The problem? It seems that I left my photo organization software open on the desktop. Even though they were merely tiny thumbnails, the 4-year-old has eagle vision, and she spied some of the photographs featured on this very blog. Let's recap what she said:

"Look, there's a picture of Barbie."

"And the elf!"

"And they are in my Barbie house!!!"

"And they are on the bed! Tee-hee!"

CLICK CLICK CLICK. Close down damn program!

Despite all evidence to the contrary, I swear that we aren't bad parents.

Just Plain Genius?

Apparently, creepy elves are all the rage.

Check out this blog post at Mom el al: Creative Elf Syndrome (most importantly, the "this lovely couple" part).

Also, the creepy elf has been on Twitter:

And he has been on Pinterest, and more Pinterest.

Please shamelessly share the creepy elf across your social networks.

Dirty Movies

Creepy Elf: "Hey baby, I can make you a star."
Barbie: "Really?"

Oh Barbie, you just fell for the oldest trick in the book!

Elf Mail Order Bride

The creepy elf takes a break from his crime spree to peruse the selection of Russian Elf mail order brides.

No, Diego, No!

Well Diego, I don't think your rescue pack will save you now.

Stealing a Kidney

Smoking, drinking, drugs, gambling, grand theft auto, kidnapping... I suppose selling a baby's kidney on the black market was the next logical step for the creepy elf.

We Crave Validation

As you know, our household has been victimized by a creepy elf crime spree. The girls' other toys cower in fear of the creepy elf. Surely, some recompense is due.
Well, the website Baby Rabies is having an "Inappropriate Elf" contest. What elf could be more inappropriate than our own creepy elf? Please visit this link, and vote for us at number 73.

According to the rules, you can vote daily, so we'd greatly appreciate your support until voting ends on December 20th. Vote early & vote often. Keep coming back here too, because we will be posting a new creepy elf photo every day until Christmas.

Sorry Fisher Price Little People

It appears that the creepy elf was under the influence when he carjacked Rapunzel & Flynn.  Sorry Fisher Price Little People.

Carjacking

The creepy elf's crime spree continues.

Snow White Kidnapped!

The creepy elf and his stormtrooper minions have moved beyond petty gambling, and have now embraced princess kidnapping.

Perhaps the creepy elf should have kidnapped a princess that didn't have a posse of seven dwarves.

Update 12/11:

Hey guys, we're entering this into a contest. Go vote for us at #73:

http://www.babyrabies.com/2011/12/inappropriate-elf-contest/

Update 12/12:
Welcome visitors from Baby Rabies & Pinterest. Please look around this site. As you will see, our creepy little elf has had many other adventures.